Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Blessing Sneezers

How many times can someone sneeze before you stop saying "bless you?" Obviously the first time they sneeze they get a "bless you" and for the most part they do the second time is well, but what about the third time? The fourth? If someone has a sneezing fit spanning more than four sneezes is it permissible to wait until the end of it and then hit them with one big "bless you" that's to be applied evenly over all of the sneezes?

I find that most people stop after two sneezes, but why? Aren't those people sneezing incessantly more deserving of our blessing? Don't they need it more? What's the whole thing with blessing sneezers anyway? What's so unholy about sneezing? Or holy?

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Popular Misconception #1

P.M. #1 RECORD COMPANIES AND RADIO STATIONS PROMOTE MUSIC DRENCHED IN NEGATIVITY BECAUSE “THAT’S WHAT SELLS.”

REALITY: Of course that’s what sells. That’s all they’re selling.
In my neighborhood Tropical Fantasy Sodas sell. You think that’s what sells on the Upper West Side? Hell no. In the Upper West Side Whole Foods is what sells. Why aren’t there any Whole Foods in my neighborhood and why aren’t there any Tropical Fantasy Sodas on the Upper West Side? Not because either one of them “sells” any more than the other. It’s because they don’t give a shit what we drink, and they do give a shit what they drink. (Who is “they?” They is them.)
They decide what everybody drinks, just like they decide what everybody hears. That’s because they own everything. It’s well within their power to see to it that nothing but Tropical Fantasy Hip Hop plays on Hot 97, on Power 105. They own those stations. Of course we listen, we want to hear music, and this is the only music that we hear, but the claim that there is something about us that intrinsically favors debasing, demeaning, degrading music, well, that claim is as ridiculous as saying that we prefer eating McDonalds, Burger King, Kennedy’s Fried Chicken, Popeye’s, and rib tips, (much of which is actually delicious) instead of eating delicious healthy food; That we fundamentally prefer poor health, obesity, and heart disease.
No. We don’t prefer that. That isn’t what sells. It is simply all that’s given to provide for a necessity. Food is a necessity, so if you keep people from getting good food, you can be certain that bad food will sell. Entertainment is a necessity, (not to the extent that food is, but see how long you can go without it), so if you keep people from getting good entertainment, you can be certain that bad entertainment will sell.
Now, they eat McDonalds sometimes too. That’s true. The difference is they have a Whole Foods across the street. They can choose. Choice is a very important thing. Try to have a philosophical discussion about the meaning of life without discussing choice, and how it may very well lie at the very essence of makes life worth living. They have access to Whole Foods and Mickey D’s. They can make a choice. We lack that access. We lack that choice. We’re forced to consume cheap shit, through our mouths and our ears, and duped into believing we prefer it.

POINT: Things are not kept off the radio because they don’t sell. They don’t sell because they’re kept off the radio.

WHAT CAN WE DO?: You will die if you don’t eat, but you won’t die if you refuse to listen to shitty music! The people who purposely misshape and deform our minds and our children’s minds by way of the media images they depict of us are made infinitely stronger by the fact that we support them! We listen to their stations! We buy their CD’s!
If you think that Hot 97 is killing children and you listen to it anyway, you’re being hypocritical. But if you listen to, own, or promote music that you feel is killing children, don’t stop just because you don’t want to be a hypocrite, stop because if we all stop, we’ll be much closer to being able to choose for ourselves the images of us that will be glorified. This is serious. Please stop. Please stop right now. This is a serious thing. This is life and death. I know you’re just one person, but each one of us will always be just one person, even when there are millions of us. The only way to get there is one by one.
And if you find you have nothing to listen to, email me at homeboysandman@gmail.com. I will lace you with all the dope MP3’s. Mos Def. Lupe Fiasco. Old school. Whatever you want. Get at me, I got everything, all for absolutely free.

WATCH FOR NEXT WEEK’S ISSUE: People Just Want Something They Can Dance To? How Come We Used to be Able to Dance to Good Stuff?

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Fake Dinosaurs

If I wasn't an emcee I think I'd wanna be one of the cats that construct dinosaurs for the museum of natural history. These dudes are creative.
You ever seen one of these so called dinosaur skeletons? It be like 4 real bones and then like 32 fake plastic "recreated" bones, to replace the bones that they couldn't find. C'mon dog. I mean, dinosaurs may very well have existed, but these cats might just be making this shit up. "This looks like a foot bone." "This is a neck bone and there were 13 other ones we just can't find and they made a shape like a butterfly just like this." Give me card blanche and I'll make some iller looking dinosaurs than these cats. Three headed joints with 17 foot johnsons. I don't know, I don't really buy it.
And wassup with people that don't believe in aliens? I mean, you believe in other planets right? And other galaxies? And you know all this stuff is mad big? But then you actually think it's likey that we're the only planet with living stuff on it, in the whole super duper big ass endless ass universe in which our solar system is not even a zilloninth of a percent. I think you're buggin. Then you run off and believe the theory of evolution where we all came from the same single celled organism, which just kinda appeared based on chance. This scientist was like, "the odds of a living cell, with all its complexities, just being whipped up by chance is kinda like a tornado sweeping through a junkyard and assembling a fully functional 747, and then turning it on and flying it from Elmhurst to Pakistan in a straight line." I made up the Elmhurst to Pakistan part. When I tell people I don't believe in evolution they always be like "oh, how can you explain it then?!" Shit I can't explain it either. I don't need an explanation. Just cause I can't always find the truth, that doesn't mean I shouldn't try and find the lies. But seriously, for all ya'll like "this cat doesn't believe in evolution, he's buggin," do just a half hour of skeptical research. Mutation - true. Natural selection - true. Evolution - completely ridiculous. I'ma try and promote blog participation by putting very little detail here and then shooting people down as they disagree.
It's mad hot for October. Shit is about to pop off.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Maple Milk - What the Nesquik People Don't Want You to Know

I've been eating better and it feels great. You really are what you eat. Eat fresh, stay fresh. I mean, eat whatever you want though, I'm not really tryna kick no knowledge. It's working for me though, hard. (Wait till ya'll hear the "Prophecy" tune I wrote this week while I've been eating mad fruit. One line goes "hoods ending up grads, like hoods that's Russian." Does anybody get that?)

At any rate, eating well. Eating natural. I'm staying away from chocolate syrup. However I love chocolate milk, so this was a quagmire. Until my amazing discovery. 100% natural maple syrup. It has mad nutrients. My pop says that somebody told him that people can live off maple syrup and water for an entire year. This is the thing folks, MAPLE SYRUP AND MILK TASTES JUST LIKE CHOCOLATE MILK!! Even better though! It tastes like a mix between chocolate milk and that Hagan Daz Dulce De Leche flavor. I'm talking slamming. And it's all natural. That's what the Nesquik people don't want you to know. So if you're into chocolate milk or your kids are and you wanna take it to the next level, believe me, Maple Milk.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

SUPER DOPE Underground Emcees

I be bugged out by how many super nice cats there are on the underground scene. It's a real shame that lots of these cats don't get that much exposure, not only because they deserve it, but because ya'll, the listeners, deserve it too. So I'd like to devote a blog to to shouting out some super dope underground cats and if ya'll have some time after reading this blog, do some internet searching and check these cats out because I wouldn't be bigging them up if they weren't so nice that I wouldn't make a train flyer saying that they'd approve if they were famous. AND, if ya'll bloggers know any dope cats I should check out, ONLY UPPER ECHELANT CATS, then hit the blog and let me know. I know I probably spelled echelant wrong.

1. Homeboy Sandman, obviously.

The rest of these cats are presented in no particular order.

2. Silent Knight - This is a cat that completely busted my head. He got an album out called Hunger Strike that I ain't get to listen to yet but if it's anything like his stag show then it's nutty. He spit a ryhme about them not making 50 cent pomegranate juice. He's crazy.

3. Alias - This dude loses 10 pounds everytime he's on stage. Pure lyrics, and his flow be so crazy I can't even look directly at him some times. He ain't got nothing out yet but you could find him on myspace and he got joints on there. He got this Middle Passage joint that reminds me to remind you all to read Roots. Read it. Don't just see the movie. The movie is like "oh snap, if ca's read this, they're gonna get real upset. We better make a movie so they don't read the book." He's having a show August 30th at Bowery Poetry Club. I gotta be in Philly doing some stuff that day and I'm crazy upset. Ya'll could still go though.

4. Gang Bang Ho-Sang - This dude is a mongrel.

Damn I gotta go. There's mad other cats but I ain't got no time. Big Zoo from Solid Ground is a dangerous weapon. So is Webbafied. A lot of them EOW cats are. Damn I gotta run. I'ma get back to this later. That last dude Gang Bang is my boy though so don't waste no time looking for him. He can't rap.

Peace to Demslaugh and Mvtheexception

Ya'll are dope. Thanks for showing love. Both of ya'll should send me an e-mail to HomeboySandman@gmail.com so I could add you to my mailing list. Yo Demslaugh hit me up about rocking Tufts too. Peace peace.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Do Cockaroaches Deserve To Live? Yes.

I just moved into a new crib. It's a dope crib but it's got critters. Not a crazy amount though. I see about 2 or a day, but some days I don't see any but other days I see 5. At any rate, as a byproduct of my new philosophy I don't really feel comfortable taking the life of any creature. When I was a kid I used to just sit in the living room in the dark for like a half hour then go turn the kitchen light on and then just massacre as many as I could. Then I'd chill for another half hour and do it again. Such was my vendetta against these creatures. However these days I just catch them in a self made contraption and then free em when I throw out the trash, or maybe throw them out of the window. As I was transforming from the old me into the new me I still used to kill bugs in my house 'cause I was like "i'm only killing them because they're trespassers. If they were just chilling I'd leave them alone but I can't have them impeding on my personal space." But then it's occured to me that these cats are just running around where ever they're born, just like us, and if it was up to them they'd live someplace much nicer too, just like us. Anyway, what do ya'll think? Kill em or redirect em?

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Jeah Jeah Jeah Jeah!

Yo wassup. This is the inaugural blog post at HomeboySandman.com. I'm pretty excited. So I guess today's topic is WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY TUNES?! Are they aight? Are they whatever? There's a little player on the lower left side of this page so check out my product and give me some feedback.



Also, if you wanna talk about something else, lemme get some theories on why hip-hop on the radio is so whack. Is it because whack stuff sells the best? A lot of people say that but I don't think it's true. I think it's because the white man is making fun of us. That's my short answer. Your views please.



And whatever else. Peace to Sosa.