Talking Bout Love

Love.

There's nothing like it.

You should never be with someone who you can't share an unlimited metrocard with. The 17 minute conversation. It takes unlimited metrocards 17 minutes to refresh. If you can't consistently hold each other's attention from opposite sides of the turnstyle for that long, that could be a red flag.

If your lover consistently forgets to put the shower water back to the faucet from the showerhead, so you frequently get hosed with freezing water, he or she may just be absent minded, but if he or she consistently uses up all the hot water before you've taken a shower, he or she may not have your best interests in mind.

While seeking insight into tying the knot,
Don't be suprised to find your insides tied in knots.

The Good Sun drops May 4th. Peace and love ya'll.

Easy With That

I know that you're trying to conserve time with your text messaging but if you're a dude please don't send me a text where you write "cum" instead of "come."

You know how sometimes you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket and you reach in your pocket and it didn't actually vibrate. Sun, the other day I felt my phone vibrate. I reached in my pocket and my phone wasn't even there.

Are these little brown birds actually young pigeons? I never see any big brown birds and I never seen any little pigeons. This is like when I found out that the little black roaches with the brown spot were actually just babies of the bigger all brown roaches. Shout to my girl Priscilla on this one.

My new album is dropping in February. It's called "The Good Sun." Peace and love ya'll.

The Evolution of Abusive Vocabulary

When I was growing up, to "snuff" somebody meant to put your hand, the side of your hand in particular, on their forehead right above the nose, and then to push their head backwards in a dismissive fashion. To use your whole palm on the side of their face was more like a "mush."

Now these days a "snuff" means a punch. When did this happen?

I don't condone snuffing or mushing of any sort.

Escalator Psychology

Let us now consider the things that you can decipher about someone based on whether they A) just stand on subway escalators until the escalator has reached wherever it's going, or B) walk on the escalator as if it were stairs, in doing so speeding their impending arrival.

A) The Stander - The Stander is, perhaps, unexcited about where he's going. Or perhaps lazy. Or perhaps out of shape. Or perhaps likes the feeling of being moved without having to move himself, and an escalator ride is something to him/her like a rollercoaster ride, but to a much lesser degree. The Stander is in no rush, perhaps because he/she has nowhere important to go, doesn't want to be where they are going. Or perhaps they are in a state of bliss, and they feel that any unnecessary expense of energy may tarnish this bliss. Perhaps they would be a Walker but they have a leg injury, like a sprained ankle.

Are Standers moving aimlessly though life? Without any real goals to drive them? Are the more patient? Are they more resigned? Do they not value time? Have they given up?

B) The Walker - The Walker is, perhaps, impatient. Or perhaps driven. Motivated? Restless? Or knows what he/she wants and is heading towards it with all deliberate speed. Do they believe that their time is more important than Standers' time, or that everyone's time is equally important and Standers just don't realize how important that is? Perhaps they are egomaniacal. Or in good physical shape and take every opportunity to remind themself how fit they are, or they are out of shape and are trying to get in shape. Are Walkers more prone to ADD diagnosis? Are they running behind schedule? Are they perpetually late or perpetually early?

I have tried to write unbiasly, but perhaps I have given away the fact that I am an avid Walker. Say what you will about us, but we save 5-20 seconds everytime we ride an escalator. Over a span of years, this adds up to a considerable amount of extra time for doing things we may value more so than standing on an escalator. This, at least, is my motivation.

Let us know touch on the psychology of some other escalator characters:

The Blocker - Blockers stand on the left when they know you're supposed to stand on the right if you're a Stander. Theoretically, there are Blockers that will not move aside if asked, though I myself have had the good fortune never to encounter one. Blockers may be unfamiliar with NYC Subway protocol. Perhaps they are just inconsiderate.

The Blocked - The Blocked stand behind Blockers without asking them to move, in doing so creating a situation where all Walkers must forgo their precious seconds. The Blocked may be timid, noconfrontational, pacifist, or mute.

Do you have any thoughts on Standers, Walkers, Blockers, or The Blocked? Do share.

Pleasures of the Flesh Songs

Is there anything more embaressing than thinking that somebody is waving at you and then turning around to find out to say that they're waving at someone behind you? This experience must transcend cultural boundaries.

Music is great for lots of things and one thing that it can really add to is enjoyment of the pleasures of the flesh. The following are my top pleasures of the flesh songs and their situational appropriateness.

1. "Mirror" by Neo - This is my favorite one. This is for the most fun types of pleasures of the flesh. Somebody relatively new. You haven't had no major arguments yet. Everything's all good. There's a healthy understanding that your time together is your time apart is your time apart. You've already engaged in pleasures of the flesh 2 or so times together so now you're mad liberated and really ready to just go in and have fun.

2. "The Root" by D'Angelo - Much more serious than Mirror. Dare I say love. Very emotionally draining. If you find this song particualrly apt you may be in a danger zone of some sort. Theoretically you may be in some good zone too. Theoretically.

3. "Till We Become the Sun" by Maxwell - Tantric anthem. This is for the pleasures of the flesh that change your life for a few days and change the way you look at pleasures of the flesh forever. Then you think you're in love for a little while but then you realize the pleasures of the flesh was just mad intense. Mad fingertips. Kinda slow motionesque. "Till We Become the Sun" chicks are very powerful so be very careful.

4. "In the Hood" by Wu-tang Clan - Go in.

Ya'll know any good ones? Put me on.

Frugal Rock

My lifestyle is what you call frugal. I am quite adept at it.

I'm not broke. I'm not poor. I'm fed and clothed and sheltered and I always make enough money in enough time for whatever I really need. I am happy and enjoying a life of abundance. As a frugalist.

If you exhibit any of the following behaviors, then you may be a frugalist.

-Using lotion as chapstick.
-Using chapstick as lotion.
-Blowing into toothpaste so you can fill it up with water and shake it back and forth to make more toothpaste.
-Same with dishwashing liquid, only you don't have to blow into it.
-Saving all your little soap slivers and then forcing them together to make one sizeable soap mass.
-Reusing cereal milk over the course of 2 or more meals.
-2 or more consecutive meals consisting of cereal.
-Babypowdering your armpits because your out of deodorant.
-Using steam to fashion a makeshift bowl out of a styrofoam plate (if you know about this one you are an A level frugalist).
-Using paper towels as toilet paper.
-Using toilet paper as napkins.

Please feel free to add to this list. Frugalists unite!

No Happiness Without Nuts

Dog owners who neuter, how can you rationalize cutting off the balls of an animal you claim to care about? Do you understand the significance of balls in the life of a male animal? There is no happiness without balls. These animals are miserable. They have no will to live. I don't care if he's wagging his tale. I don't care if he's smiling from ear to ear. The dude is miserable.